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India's IT hub of Bangalore is also fast becoming the nation's divorce hub. N K Suprabha tries to fathom the reasons...
Bangalore-based
IT professional Sunil tied the knot with Ramya in 2008 on a high note. Chennai-based Ramya, too, is in the same profession and the two quite liked each other when they met. Barely a year down the line, the two felt that they had had enough and decided to part ways.
Subsequently, Sunil got a divorce notice from Ramya and accepted it. “My wife was not ready to compromise on any of the issues that cropped up between us. Instead, she used to call her parents and they would meddle in everything. In the short span of one year, her parents travelled all the way to Bangalore several times to ask for explanation for petty fights between us. Their interference only worsened the situation. At last my wife went off to her parents’ house and sent a divorce notice to me from there,” says Sunil.
Sunil's is not a one-off instance. During the last 10 months, more than 4,000 divorce applications have been filed in Bangalore. The number of divorce applications has been on the rise for the last few years. India's IT hub is in fact on the verge of earning the sobriquet of India's divorce hub. In 2004, a total of 2,229 divorce cases were filed. The number went up the next year when 2,493 applications were filed. In 2006, the figure was 2,888 and in 2007, it was 3,025. In 2008 and 2009, a total of 3,357 and 3,500 cases were filed respectively. The year 2010 has not yet ended and the number of divorce applications has already crossed the 4,000 mark. Interestingly, most of these applications (about 70 per cent as per the records) have been filed by IT, BT and BPO professionals and about 60 per cent of them were filed with mutual consent.
People see a direct link between the pulls and pressures of professional life as well the financial security that it brings with it and the rising number of divorce cases in urban India.
Riding high on their newly found financial independence, socially empowered and financially secure women today want to live on their own terms and want to be treated as equals. This sometimes leads to ego clashes between the partners and, combined with a few other issues, often culminates into divorce. Hemalatha Mahishi, an eminent legal representative from Bangalore, says, “The increasing number of cases of divorce reflect a changing lifestyle. Women have adopted a new style of living and their thoughts have changed. We can't say the same for men.” Elaborating further, she adds, “Men want their spouses to be respectful and obedient but you can’t expect so from any self-respecting 21st century girl. So, problems crop up.” The facts that girls are getting support from their families in going ahead with their decision to part ways and that remarriage is not difficult further boost their morale.
The divorced women have the same opinion about their husbands. “I did not want to fight with my husband on petty issues. Yes, I am financially independent and want equal respect from my husband. Instead, he wants me to be submissive and respectful every time. He had problems with my parents visiting me and them helping me in making decisions. He used to get angry if I lent financial help to my parents. He was not at all ready to acknowledge my opinion on any issue and had insecurity regarding my high salary which always led to fight between us,” says Suman, a BPO employee who recently sent a divorce notice to her husband.
However, men who have gone through the ordeal of a failed marriage, have got different tales to tell. “My wife is a software professional earning Rs 50,000 per month. She recently sent me a notice for divorce, barely six months after marriage. I can see no reason behind her step and I am trying to persuade her to reconsider but she is adamant. Even her parents are backing her decision,” says Ramesh , a manager in a leading software firm. “If a girl decides to divorce her husband, she can easily get over it. The good old law is on women's side. But now the law needs to be changed as wives are no longer as vulnerable as they used to be. Instead men are suffering,” Ramesh adds.
There are other reasons too for breaking relationships. The social stigma over the word ‘divorcee’ has almost vanished from urban societies. Today people are accepting girls with the divorced tag and new concepts such as 'single mom' and 'live-in relationship' are gaining grounds. The present generation, largely brought up in nuclear families, has shed much of the sacredness attached with family values. Western values are fast replacing the traditional Indian ones and consumerism is playing its part in eroding social ethos. Well-known psychiatrist Dr Ashok Pai tells TSI, “Feminine identity, emotional security, sexual equality and the desire to grow individually from within make many women prefer to remain single and look out for better options at an opportune time. Disturbed family set-up, inadequate parentage model and disharmony with peer groups are factors for women preferring to remain single. More than insecurity and inferiority, it is a combination of de-personalisation and de-individualisation which gives rise to egoistic traits.”
Still, there are women who prefer the family's integrity over their career or aspirations. Shreeza, a journalist, resigned from her job in a mainstream newspaper and joined a smaller magazine because her husband did not like her coming home late every night. Shreeza found her marital relationship more important than her professional life and quit her job. But perhaps not many women today would like to go Shreeza's way.
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India's IT hub of Bangalore is also fast becoming the nation's divorce hub. N K Suprabha tries to fathom the reasons...
Bangalore-based
IT professional Sunil tied the knot with Ramya in 2008 on a high note. Chennai-based Ramya, too, is in the same profession and the two quite liked each other when they met. Barely a year down the line, the two felt that they had had enough and decided to part ways.
Subsequently, Sunil got a divorce notice from Ramya and accepted it. “My wife was not ready to compromise on any of the issues that cropped up between us. Instead, she used to call her parents and they would meddle in everything. In the short span of one year, her parents travelled all the way to Bangalore several times to ask for explanation for petty fights between us. Their interference only worsened the situation. At last my wife went off to her parents’ house and sent a divorce notice to me from there,” says Sunil.
Sunil's is not a one-off instance. During the last 10 months, more than 4,000 divorce applications have been filed in Bangalore. The number of divorce applications has been on the rise for the last few years. India's IT hub is in fact on the verge of earning the sobriquet of India's divorce hub. In 2004, a total of 2,229 divorce cases were filed. The number went up the next year when 2,493 applications were filed. In 2006, the figure was 2,888 and in 2007, it was 3,025. In 2008 and 2009, a total of 3,357 and 3,500 cases were filed respectively. The year 2010 has not yet ended and the number of divorce applications has already crossed the 4,000 mark. Interestingly, most of these applications (about 70 per cent as per the records) have been filed by IT, BT and BPO professionals and about 60 per cent of them were filed with mutual consent.
People see a direct link between the pulls and pressures of professional life as well the financial security that it brings with it and the rising number of divorce cases in urban India.
Riding high on their newly found financial independence, socially empowered and financially secure women today want to live on their own terms and want to be treated as equals. This sometimes leads to ego clashes between the partners and, combined with a few other issues, often culminates into divorce. Hemalatha Mahishi, an eminent legal representative from Bangalore, says, “The increasing number of cases of divorce reflect a changing lifestyle. Women have adopted a new style of living and their thoughts have changed. We can't say the same for men.” Elaborating further, she adds, “Men want their spouses to be respectful and obedient but you can’t expect so from any self-respecting 21st century girl. So, problems crop up.” The facts that girls are getting support from their families in going ahead with their decision to part ways and that remarriage is not difficult further boost their morale.
The divorced women have the same opinion about their husbands. “I did not want to fight with my husband on petty issues. Yes, I am financially independent and want equal respect from my husband. Instead, he wants me to be submissive and respectful every time. He had problems with my parents visiting me and them helping me in making decisions. He used to get angry if I lent financial help to my parents. He was not at all ready to acknowledge my opinion on any issue and had insecurity regarding my high salary which always led to fight between us,” says Suman, a BPO employee who recently sent a divorce notice to her husband.
However, men who have gone through the ordeal of a failed marriage, have got different tales to tell. “My wife is a software professional earning Rs 50,000 per month. She recently sent me a notice for divorce, barely six months after marriage. I can see no reason behind her step and I am trying to persuade her to reconsider but she is adamant. Even her parents are backing her decision,” says Ramesh , a manager in a leading software firm. “If a girl decides to divorce her husband, she can easily get over it. The good old law is on women's side. But now the law needs to be changed as wives are no longer as vulnerable as they used to be. Instead men are suffering,” Ramesh adds.
There are other reasons too for breaking relationships. The social stigma over the word ‘divorcee’ has almost vanished from urban societies. Today people are accepting girls with the divorced tag and new concepts such as 'single mom' and 'live-in relationship' are gaining grounds. The present generation, largely brought up in nuclear families, has shed much of the sacredness attached with family values. Western values are fast replacing the traditional Indian ones and consumerism is playing its part in eroding social ethos. Well-known psychiatrist Dr Ashok Pai tells TSI, “Feminine identity, emotional security, sexual equality and the desire to grow individually from within make many women prefer to remain single and look out for better options at an opportune time. Disturbed family set-up, inadequate parentage model and disharmony with peer groups are factors for women preferring to remain single. More than insecurity and inferiority, it is a combination of de-personalisation and de-individualisation which gives rise to egoistic traits.”
Still, there are women who prefer the family's integrity over their career or aspirations. Shreeza, a journalist, resigned from her job in a mainstream newspaper and joined a smaller magazine because her husband did not like her coming home late every night. Shreeza found her marital relationship more important than her professional life and quit her job. But perhaps not many women today would like to go Shreeza's way.
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